Beauty Stealing Machine
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The Beauty Machine is an invention featured in Banjo-Kazooie. It was devised by Klungo for his master, Gruntilda the witch. He developed the machine so that Gruntilda could permanently improve her appearence by stealing Tooty's beauty. It can swap the aesthetic properties of any two subjects. The effects of placing more than one subject in any one chamber is unknown - but rest assured, it'd probably be hilarious.
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Transformation Process
The steps taken to ensure a successful transformation process are as follows:
- Place the two subjects into their respective transformation chambers.
- Close the doors on said subjects, ensuring that they are safely enclosed within the chambers.
- Stab randomly at control panel, at least two to three times, making sure to hit as large a surface area of buttons as you can.
- Wait until the machine reaches full power. Coincidentally, this will coincide with the moment Banjo gets bored, and decides to Save & Quit.
- Hit a few more buttons on the control panel for dramatic effect - and voilá!
Machine Structure
The machine consists of two transformation chambers which are situation on top of an elevated platform; and a control panel. Each of the chambers are fitted with extremely durable iron doors and have windows so that the beautification process may be studied during the transformation. The transformation chambers are surrounded by a thick mesh of mechanical components - and each have two cyan, antenna-like spires on either side of their doors.
Transformation Outcomes - Before/After
The Beauty Stealing Machine has only ever been used on Gruntilda the witch and Tooty the bear - and this transformation took place in a alternate reality, so its exact legitimacy is, of course, immediately called into question. However, for the sake of scientific progress, its results have been documented as follows, with an objective before/after analysis of the two subjects.
Subject A: Gruntilda Winkybunion
- Before; Prior to the transformation, Gruntilda was widely accepted to be really not that good looking at all, at all. In fact, if the combination of her green-hued skin, bulging, lazy eyes, angular, wart-ridden face and immensely grotesque body wasn't enough to suggest that she was "really, frightfully ugly" - it was definitely confirmed by the fact that she made small children cry on sight.
- After; Phwoar, matey! I would! Initial reactions suggest that the transformation was an utter success - gone are the wrinkles, the warts, the many, oh-so-many folds of flab... and in are the curves, the slim and slender curves of success! In fact, the machine has even gone as far as inexplicably changing her into a little black dress. Mumbo-Jumbo seems to approve, too! Shame about the green, leprosy-suggestive skin, mind.
Subject B: Tooty Bear
- Before; Prior to the experiment, Tooty was considered to be the finest lass around. Although she's a bear, and thus primarily covered in thick, brown fur - she has somehow managed to grow blonde pigtails. This beggars biological belief right there, folks. Sporting the kind of cutesy eyes and nose that would make questionable people weak at the knees - she's good to go.
- After; Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. You know that kind of inescapable mess you get after eating a sausage-roll? This is the Beauty Stealing Machine's equivalent of that. She's really nasty now - all burly shouldered and green. It's also safe to assume that she's soiled herself. It's shameful, really.
Scientific Basis
Although the exact scientific basis behind the transformation is never fully explained in the game - most scientists agree that it's "definitely got something to do with smoke and mirrors". There is also a strongly-believed theory that it's all a bit magic.
